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WWE WrestleMania 34 Results and Review: Don't Think You Know How This is Going to End

4/8/2018

 
Written by: Kevin Berge (All Images Courtesy of: WWE.com)
What more can be said of WrestleMania that has not been said? It's the Showcase of the Immortals, the ultimate wrestling experience. The whole year builds to this moments where the best of the best go to battle in matches that have largely never been seen or are happening with the highest of stakes.

This is the time to let the wrestlers wrestle. Of course WWE rarely can do the simple things right. The last three 'Manias have been a mess of great and terrible moments in an overlong package. 34 has the best card of any 'Mania perhaps ever, but it is still up to WWE to step back and let the talent shine.

This Week's Monday Night Raw Review
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Can you pick out anyone who won a match this year?

Woken Matt Hardy Wins the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Overview: This match had no surprise returns as the big stars managed to eliminate the rest of the field slowly. Ultimately, Kane took out Dolph Ziggler before being eliminated shortly.

This left Woken Matt Hardy with both Mojo Rawley and Baron Corbin. Just as Hardy looked doomed, Bray Wyatt appeared and helped Matt eliminate Mojo and Corbin back-to-back to win. Afterward, the two hugged.

Highlights:
  • Ryder was about to hit the Broski Boot when Mojo shoulder blocked Ryder right over the top rope to the floor.
  • The Miztourage took out The Revival at the time only to both be chokeslammed out by Kane.
  • Goldust set up Dillinger and Ziggler in both corners and hit Dillinger with a running boot but then was knocked out of the ring by Ziggler.

Analysis: This whole match felt sign-posted for Matt the moment no one made a surprise return to enter the contest. He was the only one with any booking behind him. At least Matt should play a major part in WWE going forward, so the win means something especially with a newly turned Wyatt by his side.

Rating: 6/10

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Congratulations, Cedric, you weren't Rich Swann or Enzo, and that was enough in the end.

Cedric Alexander def. Mustafa Ali to Become the New WWE Cruiserweight Champion

Overview: Mustafa Ali and Cedric Alexander showed early on that they would not pull their punches in this match. They got physical fast and pulled out their best shots before Ali caught Alexander with 054 which was not quite enough to win. Alexander then battered Ali with a back elbow

Highlights:
  • Ali caught Alexander with the rolling facebuster then ran into an uppercut only to fire back with an enzuigiri just top be caught with a standing Spanish Fly.
  • Ali and Alexander fought on the top rope with Ali catching him for a Spanish Fly off the top rope.
  • Ali flipped out of the grip of Alexander and caught him with a headscissors driver into a diving DDT and the 054 with Alexander getting his leg on the rope.
  • Ali went for a second 054 but Alexander dodged before knocking down Ali with a trio of spinning back elbows.

Analysis: It was great to see Alexander and Ali top their previous effort with an action-packed bout. The cruiserweights both showed how much the title meant to them, and it was hard to see either man lose. Now hopefully the cruiserweight division will only continue to grow and shine on its own merits.

Rating: 9/10

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Glad Lana decided to work at WrestleMania this year.

Naomi Wins the WrestleMania Women's Battle Royal

Overview: After Carmella and Dana Brooke annoyed everyone into eliminating them, the new NXT stars in this match teamed up early to try and take out the WWE talent. The match ended up boiling down to The Riott Squad, Sasha Banks, and Bayley with Banks and Bayley successfully working together to eliminate them.

Bayley then sneakily eliminated Banks only to realize that Naomi was still in the match. She was unable to handle Naomi who eliminated her to win the battle royal.

Analysis: What an utter mess. If you could follow the action in this match from start to finish, you have a better focus than me. The booking made no sense and led nowhere. Naomi winning felt like a poorly placed swerve at the end of it all with her hiding out for a while in a way that makes no sense for her character.

Rating: 4/10

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Good of WWE to have the best match early. Allows them to leave ahead of the rush.

Seth Rollins def. The Miz and Finn Balor to Become the New WWE Intercontinental Champion

Overview: Each man had unique entrances for this with Miz deciding to leave The Miztourage in the back. While everyone got in big shots and hit their finishers, Rollins struck last. Balor caught Miz with the Slingblade, corner dropkick, and Coup De Grace before getting Stomped by Rollins who then caught Miz with the Stomp to win.

Highlights:
  • Balor sent both men outside and immediately wiped them out with a somersault plancha.
  • Miz wiped out Rollins with an Awesome Clothesline then a diving axe handle before throwing Rollins at Balor and taking out Balor with an inverted facelock backbreaker into a neckbreaker slam while booting Rollins away.
  • Miz booted Rollins out of the ring and caught Balor in the figure four leg-lock only to have it broken up with a Rollins frog splash.
  • Balor escaped the barricade bomb then dropkicked both Miz and Balor into the barricade.
  • Rollins barely escaped the 1916 then Balor turned his Ripcord Knee into a forearm right into the 1916.
  • Rollins buckle bombed Miz then hit Balor with a superplex only to have it turned into a small package with Rollins then walking into a Skull Crushing Finale nearfall.
  • Balor hit Miz with a Slingblade then the corner dropkick, but Miz crotched him on the top turnbuckle with Rollins running in to take a diving bulldog with Balor then going for the Coup De Grace with Miz throwing Rollins into the way.

Analysis: I adored the first time these three clashed, and this was even better. The three blew the roof off the Superdome with a match truly worthy of its show-opening status. They pumped up the crowd, and the title change got everyone invested in what could happen next.

Rating: 9.5/10

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Glad we saved that streak up so that the daughter of Ric Flair, multiple time world champion and already Hall of Fame bound star, could take it.

Charlotte def. Asuka to Retain the SmackDown Women's Championship

Overview: The Queen and Empress were grappling on the mat from the start here, each trying to catch the other in their signature holds. Charlotte ultimately won out, making Asuka tap out to the Figure-Eight. Afterward, Asuka told Charlotte she was ready for Asuka, and they hugged.

Highlights:
  • Charlotte tripped Asuka and went right for the Figure-Eight, but Asuka fought out and kicked Charlotte away.
  • Asuka dodged a shoulder out of the apron from Charlotte then knocking out Charlotte with snap kicks before hip attacking her into the barricade.
  • Charlotte fought off the Asuka Lock and turned it into a backpack stunner.
  • Asuka turned a moonsault into a cross armbar.
  • Charlotte dodged Asuka's hip attack who caught the ropes only to take a big boot with Asuka responding in a fight on the apron by suplexing Charlotte to the floor.
  • Charlotte chopped Asuka on the top rope to set up a diving Spanish Fly.
  • After a series of impressive submission counters, Asuka called for a hip attack only to run right into a Spear for a nearfall.

Analysis: This was a sensational match throughout that I honestly think can be even better in the future. The two have incredible chemistry. It is just a shame the result put a damper on my enjoyment. Asuka losing her streak here makes no sense, killing her momentum at the absolute worst time.

Rating: 9/10

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Don't put in too much effort there, Roode. Some people might think you aren't aware this is filler.

Jinder Mahal def. Randy Orton, Bobby Roode, and Rusev to Become the New WWE United States Champion

Overview: Everyone came out swinging early in this match, but no one could hold the ring for long. The fight raged outside for a while before everyone began hitting their biggest moves. Jinder Mahal and Rusev ended up standing tall before Rusev hit Sunil Singh with a Machka Kick but walking into the Khallas for the loss.

Highlights:
  • Orton side slammed Rusev on the barricade then ran right into a Mahal boot only for Mahal to walk into a Roode spinebuster.
  • Roodd went for the Glorious DDT with Mahal turning it into a back body drop that Roode shifted into a roll up that Orton broke up.
  • Orton planted Rusev with an elevated DDT with English running in to take an RKO followed by Rusev taking an RKO then Mahal before Roode broke it up.
  • Orton planted Orton with a Glorious DDT, but Mahal broke it up.

Analysis: The match here was a solid midcard bout with talented guys at the helm, but it was hard to ever get invested in the action. This was the type of match that should have been later on the card to let the crowd cool off. The result was annoying because Mahal pinned Rusev, giving the title to the weakest star while hurting the most interesting.

Rating: 7.75/10

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How could the technical wizard that blocked Rousey's armbar multiple times possibly lose?

Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle def. Stephanie McMahon and Triple H

Overview: Stephanie McMahon planted Ronda Rousey from behind before the bell rang but did not start the match. Triple H tried to dominate Kurt Angle to keep Rousey out of the action, but Angle eventually got the tag. HHH ended up saving Stephanie by pulling Rousey outside.

Rousey got angry and ended up attacking Hunter, nearly hitting him with a fireman's carry slam, but Stephanie slapped her to save HHH with Stephanie sending Rousey into the post. Both Angle and Rousey had the heels in their submissions, but they escaped. Rousey eventually caught Stephanie in the armbar and got a quick tap.

Highlights:
  • Stephanie pulled down the ropes for Angle with HHH throwing him into the steps.
  • Stephanie tripped Rousey off the ropes to avoid an Angle tag with HHH going for the Pedigree only to be thrown over the ropes to the floor.
  • Rousey flipped through the grip of Stephanie and planted her with a side slam then repeatedly punched her in the corner.
  • Rousey went for the armbar, but Stephanie blocked it, raked Rousey's eyes, and managed to plant Rousey with a side slam.
  • Rousey caught Stephanie by the throat then took her down with a pin-out fireman's carry slam, but Triple H pulled the ref out of the ring.
  • Angle planted HHH with German suplexes, avoided the Pedigree, and hit an Angle Slam with Hunter kicking out.

Analysis: This had no right to be as good as it was. It was just pure fun. While the contest should have been five minutes shorter, the wrestlers involved made everything engaging. Rousey looked great for her first match out, obviously inexperienced but committed, athletic, and dangerous.

Rating: 8.5/10

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Good of The Bludgeon Brothers to make sure Woods got his Mania paycheck as well.

The Bludgeon Brothers def. The Usos and The New Day's Big E and Kofi Kingston to Become the New SmackDown Tag Team Champions

Overview: The Bludgeon Brothers quickly established their dominance here, destroying everyone. Harper headbutted Kofi off him on the second rope then Rowan powerbombed him before setting up Kofi for an assisted avalanche powerbomb for the win.

Highlights:
  • Kofi caught Jimmy with a Trouble in Paradise, but The Bludgeon Brothers pulled him outside and Harper big booted him.
  • Jimmy caught Harper with repeated superkicks then tagged in Jey for a pair of running single-leg dropkicks into the post.
  • Big E set up Harper for a Midnight Hour, but Harper threw Big E into Kofi on the top rope and set up Kofi for something on the second rope only to take superkicks side by side from The Usos.

Analysis: This was not the showstealing classic many were expecting, but it did some special things all its own that worked well. This was about establishing The Bludgeon Brothers' dominance, and it absolutely did so. Harper and Rowan looked unstoppable against the best the division has to offer.

Rating: 7.5/10

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The most impressive part of all this is that Taker grew back his hair.

The Undertaker def. John Cena

Overview: After Charlotte/Asuka, fan John Cena ran backstage after being told something by a referee. He later came out only to have Elias make fun of him. Cena destroyed Elias with his signature moves and began walking to the back when the lights went out.

Taker came out, and he absolutely ran over Cena. He hit his signature moves with Cena trying to come back only to get shocked by a Taker sit up. The Deadman hit a chokeslam then a Tombstone Piledriver for the win.

Analysis: This segment was far too long, but I liked the way they ultimately went with this. Taker made Cena pay for his comments and got to look good again at 'Mania. I just worry that this will lead to more Taker matches where he is far less impressive because he has to actually work a full bout.

Rating: N/A

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Don't land on your neck. Don't land on your neck. Don't land on your neck.

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon def. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

Overview: Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens attacked Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon from behind before the bell, and Owens apron powerbombed Bryan, leaving him nearly to get stretchered out. Shane called for the bell anyway, and the heels beat him down, focusing on Shane's chest.

Bryan returned barely in time to save Shane and got the hot tag, refusing to slow down. Running over both men, Bryan even survived Zayn and KO's best shots with Shane taking out Owens outside to set up Bryan to hit the Yes Kicks, running knee, and lock in the Yes Lock for the submision win.

Highlights:
  • Zayn missed a Helluva Kick, and Shane trapped him in the tree of woe before sending KO outside to set up a Coast to Coast.
  • KO hit a double foot stomp on Shane with Bryan returning to break up the pin.
  • Bryan got the hot tag and took out Owens off the apron with a running knee then planted Zayn with a missile dropkick before setting up both men in the corner for repeated corner dropkicks.
  • Owens caught Bryan in the corner to allow Zayn to hit a Helluva Kick nearfall.
  • KO superkicked Shane out of the ring then went for a pump-up powerbomb with Bryan catching the ropes but running right into the powerbomb for a nearfall.

Analysis: It was an odd choice to have Bryan almost get stretchered out here. It forced an uncomfortable early stretch in this match before Bryan just ran over both men. Bryan though looked good and worked safe which is a great sign for his future.

Rating: 7/10

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I'm sure Bliss will get the title back at Backlash. Can't have her not holding the title too long.

Nia Jax def. Alexa Bliss to Become the New Raw Women's Champion

Overview: Nia Jax went right after Mickie James before the bell, taking her out of the action. While Jax threw Bliss around early, Bliss managed to cheat her way to get some solid advantages. In the end, the cheating was not enough

Highlights:
  • Bliss slapped Jax with Jax unaffected and Bliss screaming and taking a quick body check to the mat.
  • Bliss sent Jax into the turnbuckle then hit Jax outside with Twisted Bliss.
  • Bliss feigned being sorry before planting Jax with a DDT for a nearfall.
  • Bliss repeatedly screamed at Jax which fired up Jax who ran over her repeatedly with shoulders then hit a body avalanche and clothesline.
  • Jax caught Bliss diving and blocked Bliss' chances to counter before flipping her hard into the turnbuckle.
  • Bliss distracted the referee repeatedly so that she could rake the eyes of Jax, but Jax did not stop and hit an Alabama slam.

Analysis: I wanted this to be a pure squash, so it was disappointed that Bliss got in so much offense. It got a bit silly. That said, I was impressed by what the two did manage together. It was clear they wanted to make this the best match possible in spite of a lack of chemistry, and it did make Jax's win a bit sweeter.

Rating: 7.5/10

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"Please, Nakamura, I know I'm going over. Just try."

AJ Styles def. Shinsuke Nakamura to Retain the WWE Championship

Overview: Shinsuke Nakamura and AJ Styles went all out in this match to get this defining victory. In the end, Nakamura took out Styles with an exploder and set up the Kinshasa only to have Styles roll through into the Styles Clash for the win. Afterward, Nakamura low blowed Styles and stomped him to the outside.

Highlights:
  • Nakamura caught Styles Phenomenal Forearm and planted Styles with the Landslide.
  • Styles caught Nakamura in the Calf Crusher, but Nakamura turned it into a triangle choke with Styles powering it into a package side slam.
  • Nakamura went for the corner knee but ran right into the turnbuckle and took a Phenomenal Forearm, managing to kick out.
  • Styles went for a springboard 450 right into Nakamura's knees.
  • Nakamura caught Styles out of nowhere with a Kinshasa to the back of the neck for a nearfall.

Analysis: This match was done no favors by its position late on the card, but it did feel like this didn't quite live up to its promise. It felt short despite going 20 minutes, and the action just didn't hit top form like most Styles matches do. It was good, and I do wonder if it is affected by its placement late on a long card.

Nakamura losing was a weird choice, but I am okay with it given The Artist's heel turn. This sets up a fresh dynamic and story going forward, and Nakamura can win the title quickly off this turn to take over SmackDown. If he loses again, they've just wasted Nakamura for good.

Rating: 8.25/10

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Wait until Strowman has to unleash Nicholas on his opponents. They won't know what hit them.

Braun Strowman and Nicholas def. Sheamus and Cesaro to Become the New Raw Tag Team Champions

Overview: The Bar came out in a float with mascots to celebrate their "inevitable" victory, but Braun Strowman pushed the float off the stage. He then announced his partner was someone in the crowd, choosing a small kid Nicholas.

Highlights:
  • Strowman caught the boots of both men and hit them with a running crossbody.

Analysis: I liked this for what it was. Nicholas just got the ultimate fan experience which he will never forget. It didn't do the greatest job of protecting The Bar, but it was a fun break from wrestling logic as a whole. Where do the tag titles go from here? I have no idea.

Rating: N/A

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Roman Reigns was fighting for the locker room that went out every night and worked. Of course he lost.

Brock Lesnar def. Roman Reigns to Retain the WWE Championship

Overview: Brock Lesnar tried to get this match off fast which played into Roman Reigns' game who fought back. However, Lesnar managed to take back control of the pace, throwing Reigns around the ring and hitting repeated F5s.

Highlights:
  • Lesnar hit Reigns with a trio of German suplexes then Reigns answered with a series of Superman Punches to send Lesnar outside to take another off the steps.
  • Reigns tackled Lesnar into the announce tables then rolled him back in the ring for a Superman Punch and pair of Spears for a nearfall.
  • Reigns went for another Spear but ran into a high knee then an F5 for a nearfall.
  • Lesnar hit two more F5s, but Reigns would not stay down with Lesnar then F5ing Reigns through the announce table.

Analysis: I honestly enjoyed this match watching it go on live even with a crowd that could not care less. The two went all out. There were too many finishers, and the offense in general was a bit one-dimensional. However, it worked as an action-packed thriller until the end.

Lesnar winning is such a slap in the face of the build. The whole point of all of this was to end up crowning someone at the end of the year. If it wasn't going to be Reigns, someone else should have been in this spot. Lesnar needed to lose the title whether he is leaving or not. Instead, we are now in a weird limbo for the sake of a swerve.

Rating: 8/10

Conclusion: Well, it was certainly exciting. The longest WrestleMania in history felt its length, but I cannot fault the show for trying. It was unpredictable, crazy, and never slowed down. The problem was that the booking just felt like names were pulled out of a hat at times.

Asuka's streak ends with a whimper. Lesnar puts down Reigns because it's surprising and only because it's surprising. Even Nakamura's heel turn feels a bit like WWE making up for the fact that they didn't want to do something everyone expected.

The match had some excellent wrestling and some cool moments. I even appreciated some of the more wacky and controversial decisions. It just all took too long which led to each decision I had trouble processing lingering.

The Raw After WrestleMania will likely answer many questions following this show, but I do worry that irreparable damage has been done to multiple stars with this event. There shouldn't have been any need to shock and awe when the card looked so good on paper.

Grade: C


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