Written by: Josh Rushinock (All Images Courtesy of: WWE.com)
Hello, ladies, gentlemen, and others that do not necessarily identify as one or the other, and welcome back to a totally normal and certainly not delayed in any way weekly review of Smackdown Live!
Seem's totally normal to me. We are definitely not missing any time whatsoever.
This series is very episodic and thorough.
This series is very episodic and thorough.
So let's talk about the five stages of grief and how that currently relates to Smackdown Live.
It seems like a relevant enough conversation. For the greater part of 2017, changes behind the scenes with who was booking the show and how it was being done entirely changed what made the show enjoyable in the year prior. An increase in storylines involving the silly, the strange, and the downright confusing suddenly dominated a show that had largely been built upon old-school angles and high-effort wrestling.
This, by and large, turned off a lot of fans of the product for the majority of the year. It's also difficult to point to the exact moment where the change happened as there was a rather chaotic and abrupt change in programming between Elimination Chamber 2017 and WrestleMania 33 that changed the scope of the show far before the actual draft happened.
Some might say that the Bray Wyatt and Randy Orton feud was the catalyst that sent the show down a road it couldn't return from.
I'm not saying that assumption is entirely correct and that you'd be an idiot to not see it, but I'm also not not saying that exact thing that I just said.
It seems like a relevant enough conversation. For the greater part of 2017, changes behind the scenes with who was booking the show and how it was being done entirely changed what made the show enjoyable in the year prior. An increase in storylines involving the silly, the strange, and the downright confusing suddenly dominated a show that had largely been built upon old-school angles and high-effort wrestling.
This, by and large, turned off a lot of fans of the product for the majority of the year. It's also difficult to point to the exact moment where the change happened as there was a rather chaotic and abrupt change in programming between Elimination Chamber 2017 and WrestleMania 33 that changed the scope of the show far before the actual draft happened.
Some might say that the Bray Wyatt and Randy Orton feud was the catalyst that sent the show down a road it couldn't return from.
I'm not saying that assumption is entirely correct and that you'd be an idiot to not see it, but I'm also not not saying that exact thing that I just said.
For me, personally, the show's quick transition from AJ Styles turning back challenges in a Ric Flair-esque top heel role to a generic foreign heel with little real proven ability narrowly avoiding far more intriguing and talented stars brought me to a level of roulette-style grief that my mind still hasn't quite recovered from.
We all know the stages of grief.
Denial: AJ Styles and Kevin Owens have worked well with each other before! The US Title scene can assuredly hold up this show from any shoddy main event wrongdoings.
Anger: What in the **** are they thinking? Why are they doing this? Nakamura should've won the title or at the very least been protected? WHY IS THIS ANGLE SO RACIST?? &!?@ BULL****!
Bargaining: Alright, just give me Owens and Shane. Keep Owens involved in the main event scene and give him a monstrous push afterwards to bring him back to his original character, and I'll sit through the rest of this nonsense. Just give me that. Please.
Depression: what is the point. why do i watch this show. there's other wrestling. this is the b show, i can just watch the youtube clips online. what even is the point, we're getting a jinder/brock feud.
Acceptance: Eh. It's not my thing. I'll just check out the clips and then maybe next year, when bookers change again, the Smackdown Live I loved will return. It'll be fine.
I would venture a guess that nearly every single fan of WWE went through a series of emotions such as this throughout last year. It's a natural way of dealing with a product that goes through sudden, and sometimes random, changes from the accepted, temporary norm.
But today, I'd like to deposit that there's a sixth level of grief. It's incredibly specific to being a wrestling fan, and it's part of the reason why the business brings in such an odd and eccentric group of fans that seem to get along so little.
I call that sixth level of grief The Mental Breakdown.
We all know the stages of grief.
Denial: AJ Styles and Kevin Owens have worked well with each other before! The US Title scene can assuredly hold up this show from any shoddy main event wrongdoings.
Anger: What in the **** are they thinking? Why are they doing this? Nakamura should've won the title or at the very least been protected? WHY IS THIS ANGLE SO RACIST?? &!?@ BULL****!
Bargaining: Alright, just give me Owens and Shane. Keep Owens involved in the main event scene and give him a monstrous push afterwards to bring him back to his original character, and I'll sit through the rest of this nonsense. Just give me that. Please.
Depression: what is the point. why do i watch this show. there's other wrestling. this is the b show, i can just watch the youtube clips online. what even is the point, we're getting a jinder/brock feud.
Acceptance: Eh. It's not my thing. I'll just check out the clips and then maybe next year, when bookers change again, the Smackdown Live I loved will return. It'll be fine.
I would venture a guess that nearly every single fan of WWE went through a series of emotions such as this throughout last year. It's a natural way of dealing with a product that goes through sudden, and sometimes random, changes from the accepted, temporary norm.
But today, I'd like to deposit that there's a sixth level of grief. It's incredibly specific to being a wrestling fan, and it's part of the reason why the business brings in such an odd and eccentric group of fans that seem to get along so little.
I call that sixth level of grief The Mental Breakdown.
When you're very slowly given something you didn't necessarily know you wanted, because the system in effect made it extremely unlikely...
While simultaneously being slapped in the face with something you absolutely do not know how to mentally accept or emotionally process.
Well, shit.
Hi. My name is Bryan Danielson. You may know me from my television roles within WWE as 'Daniel Bryan'. I'm here tonight to talk about my return to the ring and also my attempts at giving every fan that questioned their life choices at the career-ending Shibata Headbutt spot from last year an extreme mental breakdown over my health and safety.
Daniel Bryan addresses being cleared to return to in-ring action
The Segment: A video package is played, recounting portions of Daniel Bryan's career, and his retirement ceremony over two years ago, and then recounts the news breaks across the internet and social media today following the announcement of his clearance.
Bryan comes out to the ring, dressed very work suit casual to a large ovation and Yes chant. Bryan begins by addressing Shane's accident the week prior and how he'll be handling that situation later in the night... However, both Sami and Kevin are not at the building yet, so he decides to start with the good news.
Bryan recounts his attempts to stay grateful in retirement and insists that he has a lot to be grateful for. Family, friends, fans... but, especially, his wife and child. Brie told him he needed to fight for his dreams, and encouraged him to seek treatment to see if he could really return to the ring, which incites what I'll assume is the only 'Thank you, Brie' chant that will ever happen within a wrestling arena.
Bryan says he turned his anger and his depression into a fight for his dreams so that his dreams might fight for him. Bryan asked WWE to take a look at his case again, and they sent him to the best neurologists in the world (but can they kick a man's head in?), and he confirms that every single one has cleared him.
Bryan thanks WWE's doctors for trying to take care of his health but also for giving him this chance. He thanks the fans, at home and in the arena but especially he thanks his wife for all of the support.
Bryan doesn't know when he'll be getting back in the ring (cue the look at the WrestleMania sign with puppy dog eyes spot, first of the night), asks the crowd if they want that (I mean, yeah), then says he's not sure if that will happen but confirms that, YES, he will be returning to a WWE ring.
The Review: This was very effective, immediately making Bryan the sympathetic face he left off at. My concern when we got closer to the program was that they had ruined Bryan with months and months of making him seem like some sort of villain on WWE television, but, the moment he hit that ramp, the fans were right back to where they were three years ago and it was heartwarming.
Another concern of mine going into this was Bryan dropping the General Manager gimmick like it was a bad dream, but again that was well handled here. Bryan looked forward to his return to the ring, all while respecting the role that real-life Daniel Bryan probably had a lot of animosity toward. Again, well done.
My only concerns for this segment were dealt with later in the night along with raising a few others. We'll talk about that at the tail end of this review. For now, this was a special moment. However...
The Stage Of Grief: DENIAL.
Alright but, like, is this okay? Is Bryan okay?
I've followed Bryan's career since 2004. In my honest opinion, he's the greatest worker to step into a ring. He's one of my favorites ever, and, like the beginning of this article, I went through a very specific series of grief-filled moments throughout the last two years.
Denial: No, there's no way he's retired. I refuse to believe this. Maybe it's an angle, or... or are they trying to hold him back for the Reigns push? Is that what this is about?!
Anger: THAT HAS TO BE IT! IT HAS TO BE! I AM AN ADULT WITH A FUNCTIONING PREFRONTAL CORTEX THAT TRULY BELIEVES THAT WWE FORCED A MAN INTO RETIREMENT RATHER THAN HIM LEGITIMATELY BEING RETIRED!
Bargaining: Alright, I understand, he's retired, or whatever. But we're doing this Miz thing, right? You're at least going to give me a nice, safe, short match with The Miz for me to say goodbye to Bryan with, right?
Depression: life is pain. you live, you lose doing what you love, you die. bryan will never wrestle again, i'll never hear the yes chant again, i'll never see him live again. i should have gone to more events, i only ever saw him live twice at a ring of honor event and a friggin house show. every day we get further and further from gods light.
There was, however, a problem with this process. Every few months, word would get out that Bryan was pushing for getting cleared, whether that be from Meltzer, dirtsheets, doctors, or Bryan himself. The grieving process would end at depression, go to excitement, and then back to denial.
Of course, this makes sense now. Bryan is cleared.
Right?
Right?
I don't know what to think. Bryan is sure he can wrestle again, and so is Meltzer, who actually knows the man well. WWE is even saying it now.
But I'm still in the grief process.
I want to see Bryan wrestle again.
But I don't want to see him crippled.
But I don't want to see his creativity shackled by a system that doesn't trust him.
But I don't trust him.
But I want to see Daniel Bryan Danielson wrestle again.
Bryan comes out to the ring, dressed very work suit casual to a large ovation and Yes chant. Bryan begins by addressing Shane's accident the week prior and how he'll be handling that situation later in the night... However, both Sami and Kevin are not at the building yet, so he decides to start with the good news.
Bryan recounts his attempts to stay grateful in retirement and insists that he has a lot to be grateful for. Family, friends, fans... but, especially, his wife and child. Brie told him he needed to fight for his dreams, and encouraged him to seek treatment to see if he could really return to the ring, which incites what I'll assume is the only 'Thank you, Brie' chant that will ever happen within a wrestling arena.
Bryan says he turned his anger and his depression into a fight for his dreams so that his dreams might fight for him. Bryan asked WWE to take a look at his case again, and they sent him to the best neurologists in the world (but can they kick a man's head in?), and he confirms that every single one has cleared him.
Bryan thanks WWE's doctors for trying to take care of his health but also for giving him this chance. He thanks the fans, at home and in the arena but especially he thanks his wife for all of the support.
Bryan doesn't know when he'll be getting back in the ring (cue the look at the WrestleMania sign with puppy dog eyes spot, first of the night), asks the crowd if they want that (I mean, yeah), then says he's not sure if that will happen but confirms that, YES, he will be returning to a WWE ring.
The Review: This was very effective, immediately making Bryan the sympathetic face he left off at. My concern when we got closer to the program was that they had ruined Bryan with months and months of making him seem like some sort of villain on WWE television, but, the moment he hit that ramp, the fans were right back to where they were three years ago and it was heartwarming.
Another concern of mine going into this was Bryan dropping the General Manager gimmick like it was a bad dream, but again that was well handled here. Bryan looked forward to his return to the ring, all while respecting the role that real-life Daniel Bryan probably had a lot of animosity toward. Again, well done.
My only concerns for this segment were dealt with later in the night along with raising a few others. We'll talk about that at the tail end of this review. For now, this was a special moment. However...
The Stage Of Grief: DENIAL.
Alright but, like, is this okay? Is Bryan okay?
I've followed Bryan's career since 2004. In my honest opinion, he's the greatest worker to step into a ring. He's one of my favorites ever, and, like the beginning of this article, I went through a very specific series of grief-filled moments throughout the last two years.
Denial: No, there's no way he's retired. I refuse to believe this. Maybe it's an angle, or... or are they trying to hold him back for the Reigns push? Is that what this is about?!
Anger: THAT HAS TO BE IT! IT HAS TO BE! I AM AN ADULT WITH A FUNCTIONING PREFRONTAL CORTEX THAT TRULY BELIEVES THAT WWE FORCED A MAN INTO RETIREMENT RATHER THAN HIM LEGITIMATELY BEING RETIRED!
Bargaining: Alright, I understand, he's retired, or whatever. But we're doing this Miz thing, right? You're at least going to give me a nice, safe, short match with The Miz for me to say goodbye to Bryan with, right?
Depression: life is pain. you live, you lose doing what you love, you die. bryan will never wrestle again, i'll never hear the yes chant again, i'll never see him live again. i should have gone to more events, i only ever saw him live twice at a ring of honor event and a friggin house show. every day we get further and further from gods light.
There was, however, a problem with this process. Every few months, word would get out that Bryan was pushing for getting cleared, whether that be from Meltzer, dirtsheets, doctors, or Bryan himself. The grieving process would end at depression, go to excitement, and then back to denial.
Of course, this makes sense now. Bryan is cleared.
Right?
Right?
I don't know what to think. Bryan is sure he can wrestle again, and so is Meltzer, who actually knows the man well. WWE is even saying it now.
But I'm still in the grief process.
I want to see Bryan wrestle again.
But I don't want to see him crippled.
But I don't want to see his creativity shackled by a system that doesn't trust him.
But I don't trust him.
But I want to see Daniel Bryan Danielson wrestle again.
Pictured: Shinsuke Nakamura and No-First-Name Rusev working on their pitch for Lip Sync Superstar Battles, a new show coming to the award-winning WWE Network!
Shinsuke Nakamura pins Rusev with Aiden English
The Match: Rusev and Aiden English are already in the ring as we return to in-ring competition, and Shinsuke Nakamura makes his entrance to a rather significant pop. Rusev attempts to work over Nakamura's arm, but walks right into Nakamura's taunt.
The early match is another continuation of great brawling between these two that was show at Fastlane, with a series of strong forearm shots being exchanged with Shinsuke being on the weaker end. Rusev repeatedly kicks the inner legs of Nakamura then Irish whips him to take him down with a spinning heel kick as we go to break.
During the commercial break, the match continues as Rusev continually cuts off any attempts for Nakamura to rally with shots to the head and repeated wear down headlockes. I'm totally used to paying attention to matches during commercial break because, of course, I do this every week with no exceptions.
We return from break with Rusev on the weaker end of a headlock, which allows Nakamura to rebound with a series of signature moves. AJ Styles is shown to have joined the commentary team during the break, which is strange because you'd assume Styles would actually get an entrance but whatever.
A Kinshasa attempt is cut off by a counter into The Accolade that Nakamura barely escapes. Rusev attempts a superkick but runs into a series of forearms which Rusev counters but gets caught in a triangle choke which Rusev again tries to counter, only to get his shoulders pinned to the mat in a very unique roll-up.
After the match, English attacked Nakamura from behind, and both of the Dynamic Duo members beat down Shinsuke, but Nakamura managed to stem off the tide just as Styles finally stood up and slowly shambled forward in order to attempt to help. Nakamura bowed to Styles from the middle of the ring as his music began to play, once again missing his cool backslide on the ropes cue.
The Review: These two have terrific chemistry in the ring as evidenced by their terrific Fastlane match, and, while this wasn't nearly on this level, it was not for lack of trying. The match was considerably shorter, but both wrestlers managed to do a lot with the time given including the commercial break split-screen that, again, I'm very used to by now.
The follow-up segment also worked very well, although I'm starting to become concerned that there isn't going to be a point before 'Mania where Styles and Nakamura become physical, just a series of one-upsman spots.
I don't mind it at all, but there's not a lot of substance for the average WWE fan to be enthralled with at the moment.
My real concern with this segment was the continued mistreatment of Aiden English and, especially, Rusev. Rusev has gotten himself incredibly over as a babyface despite his heel-centric push, and it's a little worrying that he hasn't even been factored into a tag team match at WrestleMania, at the very least.
The Stage Of Grief: BARGAINING.
So, right before the Rumble, a bunch of rumors were released that Rusev would have a feud with AJ Styles at Fastlane. This was before Nakamura won the Rumble, but it excited me because, at the time, I felt Nakamura wasn't anywhere near that level, largely because Nakamura hadn't put a lot of effort into his matches pretty much since he left New Japan.
Rusev has been, by and large, the best part of Smackdow since September. There was a moment (that I TOTALLY wrote about because, again, I HAVE NEVER MISSED A REVIEW OF SMACKDOWN LIVE SINCE THE FIRST BRAND SPLIT, GUYS) where I suddenly was aware that Rusev was getting bigger responses in his entrances than anyone of the roster was, and that was the moment where I began to suspect that Rusev was on a rise that likely couldn't be pushed back.
That has been a recurring theme in general within the company over the last few years, and, while it started with Bryan (TIMING!), it did not end there.
The difference being, obviously: none succeeded like Bryan's.
But, I mean...
He's gonna have a tag match at 'Mania, right?
You've got to give me that much.... don't you?
(SPOILER: He will not have a match at WrestleMania. He won't even win the Andre the Giant Battle Royal, which some very strange people call the ARMBAR.)
The early match is another continuation of great brawling between these two that was show at Fastlane, with a series of strong forearm shots being exchanged with Shinsuke being on the weaker end. Rusev repeatedly kicks the inner legs of Nakamura then Irish whips him to take him down with a spinning heel kick as we go to break.
During the commercial break, the match continues as Rusev continually cuts off any attempts for Nakamura to rally with shots to the head and repeated wear down headlockes. I'm totally used to paying attention to matches during commercial break because, of course, I do this every week with no exceptions.
We return from break with Rusev on the weaker end of a headlock, which allows Nakamura to rebound with a series of signature moves. AJ Styles is shown to have joined the commentary team during the break, which is strange because you'd assume Styles would actually get an entrance but whatever.
A Kinshasa attempt is cut off by a counter into The Accolade that Nakamura barely escapes. Rusev attempts a superkick but runs into a series of forearms which Rusev counters but gets caught in a triangle choke which Rusev again tries to counter, only to get his shoulders pinned to the mat in a very unique roll-up.
After the match, English attacked Nakamura from behind, and both of the Dynamic Duo members beat down Shinsuke, but Nakamura managed to stem off the tide just as Styles finally stood up and slowly shambled forward in order to attempt to help. Nakamura bowed to Styles from the middle of the ring as his music began to play, once again missing his cool backslide on the ropes cue.
The Review: These two have terrific chemistry in the ring as evidenced by their terrific Fastlane match, and, while this wasn't nearly on this level, it was not for lack of trying. The match was considerably shorter, but both wrestlers managed to do a lot with the time given including the commercial break split-screen that, again, I'm very used to by now.
The follow-up segment also worked very well, although I'm starting to become concerned that there isn't going to be a point before 'Mania where Styles and Nakamura become physical, just a series of one-upsman spots.
I don't mind it at all, but there's not a lot of substance for the average WWE fan to be enthralled with at the moment.
My real concern with this segment was the continued mistreatment of Aiden English and, especially, Rusev. Rusev has gotten himself incredibly over as a babyface despite his heel-centric push, and it's a little worrying that he hasn't even been factored into a tag team match at WrestleMania, at the very least.
The Stage Of Grief: BARGAINING.
So, right before the Rumble, a bunch of rumors were released that Rusev would have a feud with AJ Styles at Fastlane. This was before Nakamura won the Rumble, but it excited me because, at the time, I felt Nakamura wasn't anywhere near that level, largely because Nakamura hadn't put a lot of effort into his matches pretty much since he left New Japan.
Rusev has been, by and large, the best part of Smackdow since September. There was a moment (that I TOTALLY wrote about because, again, I HAVE NEVER MISSED A REVIEW OF SMACKDOWN LIVE SINCE THE FIRST BRAND SPLIT, GUYS) where I suddenly was aware that Rusev was getting bigger responses in his entrances than anyone of the roster was, and that was the moment where I began to suspect that Rusev was on a rise that likely couldn't be pushed back.
That has been a recurring theme in general within the company over the last few years, and, while it started with Bryan (TIMING!), it did not end there.
The difference being, obviously: none succeeded like Bryan's.
But, I mean...
He's gonna have a tag match at 'Mania, right?
You've got to give me that much.... don't you?
(SPOILER: He will not have a match at WrestleMania. He won't even win the Andre the Giant Battle Royal, which some very strange people call the ARMBAR.)
Corbin isn't actually scowling at Tye Dillinger. He's scowling that it took him more than seven slides to defeat Tye Dillinger. Don't worry Baron, it includes his entrance that we didn't see on television.
Baron Corbin pins Tye Dillinger
The Match: As we return to the ring, Corbin is mid-entrance, meaning we miss one of the three best parts of his act. Shame. Tye Dillinger is also in the ring, presumably to enhance Corbin as a talent since they haven't done anything else with him since his debut.
The match starts with a very dominant Corbin, who repeatedly manages to cut down Tye's attempts at comebacks, until they end up in the corner where Corbin's second cool move in his act, the slide to the outside, is countered with a rather sloppy knee, a failed dive to the outside, and another beatdown. Returning to the ring, the match ends quickly with a ripcord and the End Of Days, and Cool Part Of Corbin's Act Part III.
The Review: There isn't really a lot to talk about here. This was a chance to make Corbin look dominate going into the match he debuted in and won, and that's how it played out.
I'd love to say both men, or even one of these men, looked strong in the process, but this segment was so rushed for time in order to get Charlotte's entrance in (for some reason) that that, combined with a really shoddy looking knee strike being Tye's only real defense and Corbin not doing a lot, made both men look pretty sloppy.
The Stage Of Grief: DEPRESSION.
Tye Dillinger, man.
Tye Dillinger has a ton of charisma, and, while he's not the best worker in the world, he is far more than competent.
He's very much a Rock-type figure. Every time he's on the stick, he's fire.
But he's never given anything to work with.
I know now, more than ever, that Tye's career will be defined by his debut.
A woman in the crowd going: Who? Who?
The match starts with a very dominant Corbin, who repeatedly manages to cut down Tye's attempts at comebacks, until they end up in the corner where Corbin's second cool move in his act, the slide to the outside, is countered with a rather sloppy knee, a failed dive to the outside, and another beatdown. Returning to the ring, the match ends quickly with a ripcord and the End Of Days, and Cool Part Of Corbin's Act Part III.
The Review: There isn't really a lot to talk about here. This was a chance to make Corbin look dominate going into the match he debuted in and won, and that's how it played out.
I'd love to say both men, or even one of these men, looked strong in the process, but this segment was so rushed for time in order to get Charlotte's entrance in (for some reason) that that, combined with a really shoddy looking knee strike being Tye's only real defense and Corbin not doing a lot, made both men look pretty sloppy.
The Stage Of Grief: DEPRESSION.
Tye Dillinger, man.
Tye Dillinger has a ton of charisma, and, while he's not the best worker in the world, he is far more than competent.
He's very much a Rock-type figure. Every time he's on the stick, he's fire.
But he's never given anything to work with.
I know now, more than ever, that Tye's career will be defined by his debut.
A woman in the crowd going: Who? Who?
Remember when Natalya's match with Charlotte was the first one in NXT to make us realize Charlotte was more than just her last name? Now this match is just a sobering reminder that Natalya is talented when she's given gimmicks that make us feel something more than entirely apathetic to her meme-like existence.
Natalya pins Charlotte thanks to a near cash-in by Carmella
The Match: Charlotte comes out first as we go to commercial, and we return with Natalya near the end of her entrance sequence. The match starts with a collar-and-elbow tie-up, the heel grabbing the arm, and the babyface powering out as commentary says 'iron sharpens iron' for the third time in the show and for the 18th time this week.
The match is wrestled fairly evenly in the opening moments with Natalya having counters for Charlotte's power and Charlotte having counters for Natalya's technical cat prowess. Charlotte attempts to show her own technique by using a roll-up for two to take control of Natalya, using the reach in her long legs to trap Natalya by the head and force her around the ring.
Natalya manages to power out and get in a series of strikes but is cut off once again and knocked to the outside as we go to commercial with no splitscreen this time around, for some reason.
We return from the atypical USA 'play an ad for our show before coming back from commercial' spot with Natalya in control with an abdominal stretch, but Charlotte is almost immediately able to rally. Her power is quickly overran, however, with a take-down and that strange cat stomp on the back of the neck that Natalya does for some reason.
Charlotte manages to get to her feet after a hold attempt and lets off a series of strikes that is punctuated by a release northern lights suplex. Natalya manages to use the ropes to escape a pin attempts, but Charlotte quickly avoids the attacks of Natalya and goes to put her into the Figure-Eight, only for Natalya to sneak away into the corner.
Charlotte cuts her off, goes for a moonsault, but gets caught in a big sit-out powerbomb that's quite beautiful and almost reminds the viewer for a second that Natalya is talented, much to the chagrin of Vince backstage.
Natalya locks in the sharpshooter, but Charlotte makes it to the ropes. Natalya doesn't break the hold but instead racks Charlotte on the second rope and delivers a nasty clothesline. Charlotte manages to roll through on the pin attempt for her own roll-up, but gets cut off and slides out of the ring.
When Natalya gives chase, Charlotte hits a massive spear, slides her into the ring, and locks her up in the Figure-Eight. A series of nasty slaps leads to a roll through the ropes, but Charlotte doesn't break the hold as she falls to the floor outside. At the four count she breaks, goes to the top rope, but gets cut off and superplexed, leaving both competitors rather dead... and bringing Carmella down to try to cash in.
Whoops. Charlotte boots her.
Natalya pins Charlotte with a roll-up.
The bell never rang for Carmella to cash-in, so the cash-in didn't happen. Natalya now has a win over Charlotte because I guess we need Charlotte to have more matches on TV as Asuka wrestles on RAW, for some reason.
The Review: These two have a lot of chemistry, but it's a shame that that chemistry has been so overused with such little reason that people can easily forget it. We live in a very strange but exciting world when matches like these can happen and be forgotten about because WWE has made us not really care.
It really speaks to the in-ring level of competition that we so often have matches like these that get forgotten these days. Unfortunately, it also speaks to WWE's poor booking taking away the ability for us to care about these sorts of matches. It's a repeated issue WWE has had with a lot of their talents and feuds as of late, and it's a shame.
I'm not really sure what the point of having Charlotte do a mini-feud with Carmella and Natalya is right now nor do I really understand why Asuka is regularly competing on RAW rather than Smackdown in this lead-up to WrestleMania, but I can only assume it's all leading to one thing.
The Stage Of Grief: Denial.
A Carmella cash-in at WrestleMania.
Excuse me, I'm rather nauseous.
The match is wrestled fairly evenly in the opening moments with Natalya having counters for Charlotte's power and Charlotte having counters for Natalya's technical cat prowess. Charlotte attempts to show her own technique by using a roll-up for two to take control of Natalya, using the reach in her long legs to trap Natalya by the head and force her around the ring.
Natalya manages to power out and get in a series of strikes but is cut off once again and knocked to the outside as we go to commercial with no splitscreen this time around, for some reason.
We return from the atypical USA 'play an ad for our show before coming back from commercial' spot with Natalya in control with an abdominal stretch, but Charlotte is almost immediately able to rally. Her power is quickly overran, however, with a take-down and that strange cat stomp on the back of the neck that Natalya does for some reason.
Charlotte manages to get to her feet after a hold attempt and lets off a series of strikes that is punctuated by a release northern lights suplex. Natalya manages to use the ropes to escape a pin attempts, but Charlotte quickly avoids the attacks of Natalya and goes to put her into the Figure-Eight, only for Natalya to sneak away into the corner.
Charlotte cuts her off, goes for a moonsault, but gets caught in a big sit-out powerbomb that's quite beautiful and almost reminds the viewer for a second that Natalya is talented, much to the chagrin of Vince backstage.
Natalya locks in the sharpshooter, but Charlotte makes it to the ropes. Natalya doesn't break the hold but instead racks Charlotte on the second rope and delivers a nasty clothesline. Charlotte manages to roll through on the pin attempt for her own roll-up, but gets cut off and slides out of the ring.
When Natalya gives chase, Charlotte hits a massive spear, slides her into the ring, and locks her up in the Figure-Eight. A series of nasty slaps leads to a roll through the ropes, but Charlotte doesn't break the hold as she falls to the floor outside. At the four count she breaks, goes to the top rope, but gets cut off and superplexed, leaving both competitors rather dead... and bringing Carmella down to try to cash in.
Whoops. Charlotte boots her.
Natalya pins Charlotte with a roll-up.
The bell never rang for Carmella to cash-in, so the cash-in didn't happen. Natalya now has a win over Charlotte because I guess we need Charlotte to have more matches on TV as Asuka wrestles on RAW, for some reason.
The Review: These two have a lot of chemistry, but it's a shame that that chemistry has been so overused with such little reason that people can easily forget it. We live in a very strange but exciting world when matches like these can happen and be forgotten about because WWE has made us not really care.
It really speaks to the in-ring level of competition that we so often have matches like these that get forgotten these days. Unfortunately, it also speaks to WWE's poor booking taking away the ability for us to care about these sorts of matches. It's a repeated issue WWE has had with a lot of their talents and feuds as of late, and it's a shame.
I'm not really sure what the point of having Charlotte do a mini-feud with Carmella and Natalya is right now nor do I really understand why Asuka is regularly competing on RAW rather than Smackdown in this lead-up to WrestleMania, but I can only assume it's all leading to one thing.
The Stage Of Grief: Denial.
A Carmella cash-in at WrestleMania.
Excuse me, I'm rather nauseous.
Daniel Bryan's return has had an adverse effect on Luke Harper. It reminds him of a time when he was taken seriously. Of a time he was a singles star. Of a time when he was a champion.
Luke Harper pins Jimmy Uso
The Segment/Match: The Usos make their entrance with both being heavily bandaged. The beat-down by the Bludgeon Brothers from Fastlane is replayed. The Usos get on the microphone and and run down what happened at Fastlane. They talk about their feud with New Day being the best of this decade and say that match deserved the light of WrestleMania... but the Bludgeon Brothers stopped that.
They insist it was about more than the tag team titles, it was about injuring them... but they failed, and they're still champions. They're survivors, they're the best WWE has to offer, and the Bludgeon Brothers aren't about to stop them from finally having their WrestleMania match. The Bludgeon Brothers make their entrance as we go to commercial.
Oh, and THIS was the segment we decided to bring back the split-screen for.
Okay. The match starts while we're away to commercial... or does it? It's not clear. Jimmy's very slowly backing off from from the Bludgeon Brothers, making it weird that they cut a babyface promo before this.
When we return Jimmy is being destroyed on the outside by Luke Harper. Harper tears off Jimmy's shirt, slides him into the ring with a kick, and goes to each corner to deliver chops. Jimmy tries to power out with his own chops, but an Irish whip attempt fails spectacularly and sends him back to square one.
An attempt at a splash in the corner sends Harper to the outside, leading to Jimmy drop-toe-holding Harper into the ringside screen. Jimmy goes for the dive but is cut off by Rowan.
Harper grabs him from behind, but Jimmy kicks Rowan in the face in the attempt, leading to mass confusion that culminates in a failed attempt at a Razor's Edge from Harper, Jimmy going to the top rope, but getting cut off, his head smashing into what used to be a steel beam that held up the ring but now looks like a sign in New York City, a clothesline and a win for Harper.
The Review: Singles matches between tag team wrestlers has never been something I've been super into, but hey, this got Luke Harper back into the ring by himself so I was into it. It's generally a shame that Harper was somehow forgotten in the rush and shuffle of the Road Dogg era of Smackdown, but I have a very hard time arguing against this Bludgeon Brothers push.
Is the name silly? Yes.
Is the gimmick silly? A bit.
But it's hard to argue against these two as a team, no matter what the name or gimmick attached to it might be. Historically, they work well together and evolve with each other, rather than grow apart with each random Wyatt Family break-up. It also really helps that some of both Harper, Rowan, and the Usos best matches are with one another, and the new gimmicks both teams have has refreshed those match-ups.
This worked, and it worked well. The one thing nobody can deny is that Smackdown's tag team division has been a consistent plus for the show, even in some of its darker hours in the last year.
The Stage Of Grief: ACCEPTANCE.
I have accepted that this feud is really good.
I don't have much else to say.
Keep watching this feud.
Remember when this section was for the question of if things were worth watching?
Good times.
Is nostalgia the seventh level of grief?
I better move on before you all click away... oh wait, too late.
They insist it was about more than the tag team titles, it was about injuring them... but they failed, and they're still champions. They're survivors, they're the best WWE has to offer, and the Bludgeon Brothers aren't about to stop them from finally having their WrestleMania match. The Bludgeon Brothers make their entrance as we go to commercial.
Oh, and THIS was the segment we decided to bring back the split-screen for.
Okay. The match starts while we're away to commercial... or does it? It's not clear. Jimmy's very slowly backing off from from the Bludgeon Brothers, making it weird that they cut a babyface promo before this.
When we return Jimmy is being destroyed on the outside by Luke Harper. Harper tears off Jimmy's shirt, slides him into the ring with a kick, and goes to each corner to deliver chops. Jimmy tries to power out with his own chops, but an Irish whip attempt fails spectacularly and sends him back to square one.
An attempt at a splash in the corner sends Harper to the outside, leading to Jimmy drop-toe-holding Harper into the ringside screen. Jimmy goes for the dive but is cut off by Rowan.
Harper grabs him from behind, but Jimmy kicks Rowan in the face in the attempt, leading to mass confusion that culminates in a failed attempt at a Razor's Edge from Harper, Jimmy going to the top rope, but getting cut off, his head smashing into what used to be a steel beam that held up the ring but now looks like a sign in New York City, a clothesline and a win for Harper.
The Review: Singles matches between tag team wrestlers has never been something I've been super into, but hey, this got Luke Harper back into the ring by himself so I was into it. It's generally a shame that Harper was somehow forgotten in the rush and shuffle of the Road Dogg era of Smackdown, but I have a very hard time arguing against this Bludgeon Brothers push.
Is the name silly? Yes.
Is the gimmick silly? A bit.
But it's hard to argue against these two as a team, no matter what the name or gimmick attached to it might be. Historically, they work well together and evolve with each other, rather than grow apart with each random Wyatt Family break-up. It also really helps that some of both Harper, Rowan, and the Usos best matches are with one another, and the new gimmicks both teams have has refreshed those match-ups.
This worked, and it worked well. The one thing nobody can deny is that Smackdown's tag team division has been a consistent plus for the show, even in some of its darker hours in the last year.
The Stage Of Grief: ACCEPTANCE.
I have accepted that this feud is really good.
I don't have much else to say.
Keep watching this feud.
Remember when this section was for the question of if things were worth watching?
Good times.
Is nostalgia the seventh level of grief?
I better move on before you all click away... oh wait, too late.
You know a gimmick's been overdone when someone motions to something off-screen, and you know what it is without even thinking twice.
Jinder Mahal addresses his inclusion in the United States Title Match at WrestleMania
The Segment: Uninjured Bollywood Boy introduces the "next United States champion", Jinder Mahal, while the backstage area no-sells his existence by failing to cut his mic in over his music until well after he was done.
Jinder says he doesn't need to be here, he's rich, he's lookin' real jacked, and he could be a Bollywood actor which is even an insult to Bollywood actors. Jinder says he returned legitimacy to the WWE Title, but the fans don't care about that. The WWE Universe cares about maintaining the status quo... and Jinder's ridiculous, office-written line is cut off by Roode's entrance.
Roode opens by calling Jinder the real hypocrite. Jinder doesn't deserve respect; he deserves a beating at WrestleMania. He says he's going to win back the US Title, which brings out Randy "The US Title is beneath me" Orton.
Yes, he said that. I'm surprised nobody remembers it.
Orton tells Jinder to shut up and that Jinder clearly doesn't understand why nobody respects him.Nobody respects Jinder Mahal because he's useless without uninjured Bollywood Boy, which is more of an insult to injured Bollywood Boy than to Jinder. Jinder goes to attack but fails immediately, leading to uninjured Bollywood Boy being kayfabe injured, Roode and Orton both failing to deliver their finishers, and, surprisingly, only the second WrestleMania sign point of the night.
The Review: Neat.
Not a lot to break down here. It's the same segment we've gotten the last four weeks in television, in some way, shape, or form, and it's just as unimpactful as it was at the start of the feud. Next week, two of these men will have a match, and the third one will either make a run-in (Jinder) or accidentally interfere or distract the other while on commentary (Orton, Roode).
It's the same thing every week. This feud needs something new, and it needs it before Fastlane... wait.
The Stage Of Grief: ANGER.
I am so incredibly annoyed with the direction that they've decided to take this title, and it's been going on for a ridiculously large amount of time.
First of all, what was the friggin' point of Ziggler dropping the belt on the floor and leaving it? Wait, don't answer that, because I know the answer. It was a bargaining chip so that they had an edge in negotiations to keep him signed.
But why even bother? I think Ziggler is a good worker, but it's incredibly obvious that they have absolutely zero plans for the man. I thought, maybe, that they were going to somehow pull a rabbit out of their hat and sneak him on the card in a singles feud at WrestleMania as that seemed to be the angle they were going with leading into the six-way at Fastlane.
However, that was dropped like a bad Ziggler promo, which is all the ones that he says he's the best in despite not putting in the effort to be the best in years. Maybe he has a feud with Bryan after 'Mania based on a backstage interaction tonight? I doubt it. I really do.
Then, we had the US Title tournament, and it made the title look like shit. There were some good matches, but it was built around a guy not caring enough about the title to keep it, so it didn't matter. Roode came out looking good, but their FIRST DECISION when booking Roode was to make him look inferior to Randy Orton, which is what they do with Orton most of the time when he's facing a (not-so) young and up-and-coming babyface.
My thoughts following that were: "Hey. Maybe they'll turn Roode heel, and we'll have something to work with."
But that seems unlikely. I don't hate Jinder, he's a good foil and he works at this level, but him being involved only complicates the decision for Roode to lose, entirely cleanly, to Orton. It just makes Orton look like the unbeatable force he's always been booked as because Orton's a safe guy to push when you've got nothing else to do despite the fact that his career has proven he isn't, really.
Also Orton said the US Title was below him.
That wasn't in his drug-induced days.
That was three years ago.
But we don't talk about that.
The worst part of all of this is that it can be saved, and it can be saved really quickly if they just do something different next week! Have them all do sit-down promos or have one of them have to put their chance to challenge at-risk. Bring in somebody else, for Pete (Dunne's) sake!
Just do something different!
Anything different!
IT'S BEEN FOUR WEEKS AND A PAY-PER-VIEW OF THE SAME THING!
DO SOMETHING!!
Jinder says he doesn't need to be here, he's rich, he's lookin' real jacked, and he could be a Bollywood actor which is even an insult to Bollywood actors. Jinder says he returned legitimacy to the WWE Title, but the fans don't care about that. The WWE Universe cares about maintaining the status quo... and Jinder's ridiculous, office-written line is cut off by Roode's entrance.
Roode opens by calling Jinder the real hypocrite. Jinder doesn't deserve respect; he deserves a beating at WrestleMania. He says he's going to win back the US Title, which brings out Randy "The US Title is beneath me" Orton.
Yes, he said that. I'm surprised nobody remembers it.
Orton tells Jinder to shut up and that Jinder clearly doesn't understand why nobody respects him.Nobody respects Jinder Mahal because he's useless without uninjured Bollywood Boy, which is more of an insult to injured Bollywood Boy than to Jinder. Jinder goes to attack but fails immediately, leading to uninjured Bollywood Boy being kayfabe injured, Roode and Orton both failing to deliver their finishers, and, surprisingly, only the second WrestleMania sign point of the night.
The Review: Neat.
Not a lot to break down here. It's the same segment we've gotten the last four weeks in television, in some way, shape, or form, and it's just as unimpactful as it was at the start of the feud. Next week, two of these men will have a match, and the third one will either make a run-in (Jinder) or accidentally interfere or distract the other while on commentary (Orton, Roode).
It's the same thing every week. This feud needs something new, and it needs it before Fastlane... wait.
The Stage Of Grief: ANGER.
I am so incredibly annoyed with the direction that they've decided to take this title, and it's been going on for a ridiculously large amount of time.
First of all, what was the friggin' point of Ziggler dropping the belt on the floor and leaving it? Wait, don't answer that, because I know the answer. It was a bargaining chip so that they had an edge in negotiations to keep him signed.
But why even bother? I think Ziggler is a good worker, but it's incredibly obvious that they have absolutely zero plans for the man. I thought, maybe, that they were going to somehow pull a rabbit out of their hat and sneak him on the card in a singles feud at WrestleMania as that seemed to be the angle they were going with leading into the six-way at Fastlane.
However, that was dropped like a bad Ziggler promo, which is all the ones that he says he's the best in despite not putting in the effort to be the best in years. Maybe he has a feud with Bryan after 'Mania based on a backstage interaction tonight? I doubt it. I really do.
Then, we had the US Title tournament, and it made the title look like shit. There were some good matches, but it was built around a guy not caring enough about the title to keep it, so it didn't matter. Roode came out looking good, but their FIRST DECISION when booking Roode was to make him look inferior to Randy Orton, which is what they do with Orton most of the time when he's facing a (not-so) young and up-and-coming babyface.
My thoughts following that were: "Hey. Maybe they'll turn Roode heel, and we'll have something to work with."
But that seems unlikely. I don't hate Jinder, he's a good foil and he works at this level, but him being involved only complicates the decision for Roode to lose, entirely cleanly, to Orton. It just makes Orton look like the unbeatable force he's always been booked as because Orton's a safe guy to push when you've got nothing else to do despite the fact that his career has proven he isn't, really.
Also Orton said the US Title was below him.
That wasn't in his drug-induced days.
That was three years ago.
But we don't talk about that.
The worst part of all of this is that it can be saved, and it can be saved really quickly if they just do something different next week! Have them all do sit-down promos or have one of them have to put their chance to challenge at-risk. Bring in somebody else, for Pete (Dunne's) sake!
Just do something different!
Anything different!
IT'S BEEN FOUR WEEKS AND A PAY-PER-VIEW OF THE SAME THING!
DO SOMETHING!!
Is a Horsemen really a Horsemen when there's no Horse for them to ride anymore?
Becky Lynch & Naomi vs The Riott Squad (Liv Morgan & Sarah Logan) with Ruby Riott
The Match: We return from the break with both teams in the ring, and the Riott Squad's non-thematic theme playing. The match starts off hot with Sarah Logan mugging Naomi, tagging out, and then Liv Morgan doing what she does best: getting beat up in such a way that makes her look like she's not trying.
Naomi and Becky Lynch do a series of impressive tag team combinations to her while dragging her kicking and screaming to some sort of use until a boot in the corner allows her to tag in competent wrestler, terrible promo Sarah Logan, who immediately takes control.
Becky manages to power out of a suplex attempt and send Sarah to the outside, but Ruby throws Sarah back in, who appears to be unaffected by both of these things. Not learning her lesson, Sarah goes to suplex Becky, but Becky counters it into a Dis-Arm-Her and Naomi cuts off the interference from Liv for the win.
The Review; This was a mess, and it really wasn't anyone's fault. The women were given two minutes to wrestle, and they did a lot with that time. While Becky and Naomi are becoming quite the tag team, Liv isn't anywhere near experienced enough for this stage, and Sarah Logan is shackled with a gimmick she was given at the last minute, she's not yet used too, and can't quite wrap her head around.
This was a time-filler segment, and it was treated as such. I'd suggest that we get Smackdown Live Women's Tag Team Titles so that these women have something to do, but there's not enough time in a two hour show with four titles to manage that in any way that might be considered good. That's a shame, too, as I really like what Becky and Naomi are doing in the ring together.
Oh, and Ruby Riott was there, too.
You just wouldn't believe it, based on the push she had at Fastlane and the way she's been treated since.
The Stage Of Grief: DEPRESSION.
Well, apathy would be a better description. Maybe that's the eight level of grief.
This just is what it is. I could sit here and talk about how much of a mistake Becky's lack-of-a-push is and how she's been entirely screwed over since month two of the Smackdown Live roster split. Or I could mention that Naomi is really becoming talented and should actually be used.
Or I could explain why I, and pretty much everyone else, thinks that the Riott Squad is a massive mistake and that none of those women really work within a cohesive unit. Or how Liv Morgan is green as goose expletive I've used twice before this.
Or how Sarah Logan is talented and I was a fan of hers on the indies, but she was playing a gimmick she was very good at and had that taken away from her for no apparent reason and is now pigeon-holed into a lack of success. Or how all of this is a waste of the momentum Ruby Riott has built up in the last month.
But would any of those complaints matter?
Nah.
So let's move on.
Naomi and Becky Lynch do a series of impressive tag team combinations to her while dragging her kicking and screaming to some sort of use until a boot in the corner allows her to tag in competent wrestler, terrible promo Sarah Logan, who immediately takes control.
Becky manages to power out of a suplex attempt and send Sarah to the outside, but Ruby throws Sarah back in, who appears to be unaffected by both of these things. Not learning her lesson, Sarah goes to suplex Becky, but Becky counters it into a Dis-Arm-Her and Naomi cuts off the interference from Liv for the win.
The Review; This was a mess, and it really wasn't anyone's fault. The women were given two minutes to wrestle, and they did a lot with that time. While Becky and Naomi are becoming quite the tag team, Liv isn't anywhere near experienced enough for this stage, and Sarah Logan is shackled with a gimmick she was given at the last minute, she's not yet used too, and can't quite wrap her head around.
This was a time-filler segment, and it was treated as such. I'd suggest that we get Smackdown Live Women's Tag Team Titles so that these women have something to do, but there's not enough time in a two hour show with four titles to manage that in any way that might be considered good. That's a shame, too, as I really like what Becky and Naomi are doing in the ring together.
Oh, and Ruby Riott was there, too.
You just wouldn't believe it, based on the push she had at Fastlane and the way she's been treated since.
The Stage Of Grief: DEPRESSION.
Well, apathy would be a better description. Maybe that's the eight level of grief.
This just is what it is. I could sit here and talk about how much of a mistake Becky's lack-of-a-push is and how she's been entirely screwed over since month two of the Smackdown Live roster split. Or I could mention that Naomi is really becoming talented and should actually be used.
Or I could explain why I, and pretty much everyone else, thinks that the Riott Squad is a massive mistake and that none of those women really work within a cohesive unit. Or how Liv Morgan is green as goose expletive I've used twice before this.
Or how Sarah Logan is talented and I was a fan of hers on the indies, but she was playing a gimmick she was very good at and had that taken away from her for no apparent reason and is now pigeon-holed into a lack of success. Or how all of this is a waste of the momentum Ruby Riott has built up in the last month.
But would any of those complaints matter?
Nah.
So let's move on.
NO, NO, IT'S TOO REAL NOW, THINGS ARE TOO REAL NOW, I CAN'T HANDLE HOW REAL THINGS ARE RIGHT NOW
Daniel Bryan confronts Sami Zayn & Kevin Owens.
The Segment: After we return from break and have another really strange Snickers ad that likely was put there because Ronda Rousey and/or Brock Lesnar was accidentally scheduled for Smackdown in the television ads, Daniel Bryan is on the top rope, soaking in the Yes Chants.
He says this has been a big night for him, but he has to address the Kami (SIGH) situation. Kevin and Sami come out to the ring with Kev's theme, clapping, celebrating, and bowing down to Bryan, seemingly in congratulations for Bryan's clearance. Both hug Bryan and shake his hand.
Kevin says that they're incredibly happy for him and that they hadn't planned to be there tonight because Shane wasn't going to be present, but Kevin and Sami had to come to congratulate him despite being pulled over for going a bit too fast in getting to the arena.
Sami reiterates and thanks Bryan for supporting them, despite the fans, the locker room, and Shane's hatred for them and personal vendetta's against them. Bryan was fair to them, despite it all. They insist that the people in the ring at that moment make Smackdown Live the A show, and that Bryan, Kevin, and Sami sounds like a dream team.
Bryan says he appreciates their words, but he brought them out to deal with the Shane situation, which is replayed upon the tron. Shane deserved it, but that's besides the point, back to the recap. Kevin laughs at Shane's oversell at the end of the video package.
Bryan asks them if they think it was funny, and Kevin says they got carried away. Sami repeats that Shane deserved it, which is what I'm saying! Bryan says they don't get it. It's a big deal, and they don't understand what they've done. Bryan thinks that they're two of the best wrestlers of this generation, and he has been living vicariously through them because they come from the same place and have known each other for so long.
But this was too much. He doesn't understand how they could do this after they had finally gotten rid of Shane and finally gotten a match on the 'Mania card. He asks them to imagine being told that, presumably in PWG based on the explanation Bryan gave, and that they'd won the day... and then still beat their boss near to death.
He says Shane was right, and he doesn't want to do it, but he's been fired before and come back before, and they can learn and grow from it. Bryan fires them.
Bryan holds out his hand and apologizes. Sami takes it, and so does Kevin... but at the last minute, Kevin comes back and attacks him. Both deliver a flurry of punches, but, as they look at one another and prepare themselves, Bryan takes down Sami, kicks Sami in the corner, delivers a German, and does a series of running dropkicks, delivers kicks to Owens chest... but eventually gets stopped by a returning Sami.
Kevin grabs Bryan from behind, Chickenwings him, Sami kicks him, and they set him up to take a Yakuza Kick in the corner. Owens and Zayn both look distraught that they've been forced to do this, but eventually they send Bryan to the outside, and Kevin delivers an assisted powerbomb to Bryan on the ring apron (which is the hardest part of the ring, don'tcha know) to end the show.
The Review: Wow, okay. We're off to the races.
This was extremely effective in several ways. This has been a feud I've been generally apathetic toward for a number of reasons involving my love of everyone involved minus Shane and the booking that surrounds him, but this solved almost all of them.
Sami was thrown with Kevin because he wasn't being used as a babyface despite the fact that he had a following and was getting reactions. On week two of this feud he was proving to be a stand-out, and, on week two, they also decided he wasn't to be taken seriously.
This was somewhat solved during the build to Fastlane, but this cemented Sami in a lot of ways and will in several more because Sami has actually had more chemistry with Bryan in their previous, pre-WWE matches than Kevin has.
Kevin looked like he was regretting his decisions throughout, as well, which worked well for his character. I hate to hope that he'll be taken seriously as a monster heel after this loss at WrestleMania again, but, at the very least, the last two weeks have made him look even more like a Monster than he did whilst breaking up the OTP of Kevin and Jericho or legitimately headbutting Vince McMahon like a moron.
Bryan looked amazing here like he never lost a step, and he was immediately made to look like the character he was before he was injured. He was legitimate and over.
That said...
The Stage Of Grief: THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN BEGINS AGAIN.
That was a lot of bumps.
That was.. a lot... of bumps.
And not just, like... low-effort bumps, strung back to back. That was one of Kevin Owens' worst bumps and a nasty bump from Sami. They were both done safely, but...
That was A LOT of bumps.
Bryan did his corner dropkicks. Now, admittedly, he did them far safer than he did when we last saw him in the ring, when he was wrestling regularly on Smackdown against Harper, Sheamus, Ambrose, and Ziggler, and landing on his neck every single friggin' week. I also feel like people forget that he has spinal stenosis and that his neck is in terrible shape, as well, which means at any moment, his career could be over with one bad bump.
That was some worrying bumps... and... it was A LOT OF THEM.
I didn't expect this, at all. I didn't expect those backstage to let him do this much, this quickly... and a part of me was so excited to see the man that made me a fan of the finer things in wrestling, way back when I started watching again in 2004... admittedly, it was a very WWE-centric version of his wrestling style, but it was the same guy, and he was back and, in a lot of ways, better than when I last saw him!
But... he said he was going to change his style, significantly.
And, from what I saw here... he didn't, or at the very least, hasn't yet.
That worries me.
And it was exciting.
And I'm scared.
And I'm marking out.
And I'm mortified.
And... and...
I think my pulse is up, and I don't feel very well...
Hold on, I need a paper bag, I'm hyperventilating.
He says this has been a big night for him, but he has to address the Kami (SIGH) situation. Kevin and Sami come out to the ring with Kev's theme, clapping, celebrating, and bowing down to Bryan, seemingly in congratulations for Bryan's clearance. Both hug Bryan and shake his hand.
Kevin says that they're incredibly happy for him and that they hadn't planned to be there tonight because Shane wasn't going to be present, but Kevin and Sami had to come to congratulate him despite being pulled over for going a bit too fast in getting to the arena.
Sami reiterates and thanks Bryan for supporting them, despite the fans, the locker room, and Shane's hatred for them and personal vendetta's against them. Bryan was fair to them, despite it all. They insist that the people in the ring at that moment make Smackdown Live the A show, and that Bryan, Kevin, and Sami sounds like a dream team.
Bryan says he appreciates their words, but he brought them out to deal with the Shane situation, which is replayed upon the tron. Shane deserved it, but that's besides the point, back to the recap. Kevin laughs at Shane's oversell at the end of the video package.
Bryan asks them if they think it was funny, and Kevin says they got carried away. Sami repeats that Shane deserved it, which is what I'm saying! Bryan says they don't get it. It's a big deal, and they don't understand what they've done. Bryan thinks that they're two of the best wrestlers of this generation, and he has been living vicariously through them because they come from the same place and have known each other for so long.
But this was too much. He doesn't understand how they could do this after they had finally gotten rid of Shane and finally gotten a match on the 'Mania card. He asks them to imagine being told that, presumably in PWG based on the explanation Bryan gave, and that they'd won the day... and then still beat their boss near to death.
He says Shane was right, and he doesn't want to do it, but he's been fired before and come back before, and they can learn and grow from it. Bryan fires them.
Bryan holds out his hand and apologizes. Sami takes it, and so does Kevin... but at the last minute, Kevin comes back and attacks him. Both deliver a flurry of punches, but, as they look at one another and prepare themselves, Bryan takes down Sami, kicks Sami in the corner, delivers a German, and does a series of running dropkicks, delivers kicks to Owens chest... but eventually gets stopped by a returning Sami.
Kevin grabs Bryan from behind, Chickenwings him, Sami kicks him, and they set him up to take a Yakuza Kick in the corner. Owens and Zayn both look distraught that they've been forced to do this, but eventually they send Bryan to the outside, and Kevin delivers an assisted powerbomb to Bryan on the ring apron (which is the hardest part of the ring, don'tcha know) to end the show.
The Review: Wow, okay. We're off to the races.
This was extremely effective in several ways. This has been a feud I've been generally apathetic toward for a number of reasons involving my love of everyone involved minus Shane and the booking that surrounds him, but this solved almost all of them.
Sami was thrown with Kevin because he wasn't being used as a babyface despite the fact that he had a following and was getting reactions. On week two of this feud he was proving to be a stand-out, and, on week two, they also decided he wasn't to be taken seriously.
This was somewhat solved during the build to Fastlane, but this cemented Sami in a lot of ways and will in several more because Sami has actually had more chemistry with Bryan in their previous, pre-WWE matches than Kevin has.
Kevin looked like he was regretting his decisions throughout, as well, which worked well for his character. I hate to hope that he'll be taken seriously as a monster heel after this loss at WrestleMania again, but, at the very least, the last two weeks have made him look even more like a Monster than he did whilst breaking up the OTP of Kevin and Jericho or legitimately headbutting Vince McMahon like a moron.
Bryan looked amazing here like he never lost a step, and he was immediately made to look like the character he was before he was injured. He was legitimate and over.
That said...
The Stage Of Grief: THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN BEGINS AGAIN.
That was a lot of bumps.
That was.. a lot... of bumps.
And not just, like... low-effort bumps, strung back to back. That was one of Kevin Owens' worst bumps and a nasty bump from Sami. They were both done safely, but...
That was A LOT of bumps.
Bryan did his corner dropkicks. Now, admittedly, he did them far safer than he did when we last saw him in the ring, when he was wrestling regularly on Smackdown against Harper, Sheamus, Ambrose, and Ziggler, and landing on his neck every single friggin' week. I also feel like people forget that he has spinal stenosis and that his neck is in terrible shape, as well, which means at any moment, his career could be over with one bad bump.
That was some worrying bumps... and... it was A LOT OF THEM.
I didn't expect this, at all. I didn't expect those backstage to let him do this much, this quickly... and a part of me was so excited to see the man that made me a fan of the finer things in wrestling, way back when I started watching again in 2004... admittedly, it was a very WWE-centric version of his wrestling style, but it was the same guy, and he was back and, in a lot of ways, better than when I last saw him!
But... he said he was going to change his style, significantly.
And, from what I saw here... he didn't, or at the very least, hasn't yet.
That worries me.
And it was exciting.
And I'm scared.
And I'm marking out.
And I'm mortified.
And... and...
I think my pulse is up, and I don't feel very well...
Hold on, I need a paper bag, I'm hyperventilating.
Of all of the genuinely scary scenarios presented by this episode of Smackdown, by far the scariest is Carmella successfully cashing in that stupid briefcase on Asuka at WrestleMania.
MEANWHILE, BACKSTAGE: Bryan met with Lil Naitch backstage and asked him to send Kevin and Sami to him when they arrived. Ziggler told Bryan congratulations for being cleared then told him he looks forward to beating him. Of all the people I expect WWE to have beat Bryan on this comeback tour, he's the one I for sure don't expect them to have beat him. Bryan, in a very Mathew Mercer way, told him he could certainly try. Ziggler then left to presumably google a reference I'm sarcastically reading too much into.
A video package highlighting Asuka's dominance was shown. Charlotte is shown backstage watching it and smiling, but Natalya came and insisted that there was fear in her eyes, which is a concept of that segment that Charlotte chose not to sell. Charlotte insisted that she's excited for Asuka her biggest challenge, but Natalya was insulted by this and said that Asuka is only undefeated because she hasn't faced this woman whose gimmick is Grandma Cat Lady. A match is made between the two to settle who was trying hardest. It was Natalya, by the way. Charlotte seemed annoyed she had to do this segment. So was I.
AJ is also shown backstage, and Nakamura cuts him off to insist he didn't need his help, which Styles makes abundantly clear that he felt. Styles cut Nakamura off as he began to speak, assuming the Nakamura was going to tell him what he's told him every week, that he'll beat him at Wrestlemania. Nakamura says that Styles should have more confidence in himself, and also that he'll beat him at WrestleMania with his terrible new catchphrase, KNEE. TO. THE. FACE. I'm actually excited for this match, guys, I just couldn't care less about what they do with this feud leading up to it because it won't change the match or how good it is.
Commentary repeatedly brought up the issues with Owens and Zayn's beat-down on Shane, and confirmed that he has a contusion of some sort. I dunno. I'm either not a doctor or wasn't paying attention to commentary... both are equally as likely.
Jinder Mahal is shown backstage with Bollywood Boy, The Not Injured One, and it's confirmed that he's in the US title match at WrestleMania. Jinder that is, not Not Injured Bollywood Boy. And people say The Usos are impossible to tell apart.
Daniel Bryan is shown on the phone, either talking to someone he hasn't talked to in a long time, or very unenthusiastically talking about how long it's been since he was last in the ring, but is informed by Lil Naitch that Sami and Kevin have arrived. Bryan tells Lil Naitch to have them head to the ring so that he can confront them. Cue ending sequence of the show.
CONCLUSION: This was a good episode of Smackdown Live, despite my mental breakdowns throughout.
Every feud had something to work with on this show, and, while half of them didn't work, they made sure that the ones that mattered this week were at the forefront with something new and exciting to work with. With what the bookers had to work with, this show went better than anyone likely would have expected before 1:30 this afternoon when we were all hit over the head with the Bryan news and reacted as such.
The problem is that the booking that surrounds the show is a mess. Nakamura and Styles have been given nothing of substance to work with yet, and, while it's a little early in the build-up to assume that they won't be, they certainly aren't going to turn one of them heel in this build which is a shame. Styles, in particular, would work terrifically as a heel for a few weeks, just to give these guys something, ANYTHING, to work with.
The WWE title wasn't given much to work with, but the US title for some reason was. That segment was awful, by the by, but at least they did some interesting stuff with the after-effects of it. Extremely passable for what it was; although, I definitely think, with how crowded this show was, it would've been smarter to put the emphasis on doing something new and exciting with the WWE Title. But I suppose, ignoring that they likely won't do anything interesting with it, front-loading this episode with two main event programs wouldn't have done next week's episode any good.
Charlotte and Natalya had a great match. Nobody will remember it because WWE, bafflingly, made the decision to not include Asuka in at least two weeks of programming, but they definitely did more than the best they could with what they had. Again, it was the booking that let this angle down as even Carmella did well with what little she could do, and I'm not really a fan of hers.
What they did with Bryan, Kevin, and Sami was out of this world, if you take away all of the things that you're inevitably worried about right now. This angle carried the show and, unlike all the weeks prior, it was good! Kevin and Sami were certainly on their game as well, but them being on their game wasn't enough to keep it in good quality previous to this, thanks to Shane's general lack of caring in his promos and segments. No, it was Bryan that made this work and becoming exciting again. It's really nice to know that Bryan as a wrestler can still make even terrible angles feel like they're good.
But this episode won't be remembered for any of that. It'll be remembered for the return of a fan-favorite, a ferociously over individual whose career was tragically cut short and was surrounded by senseless conspiracy theories, returning from a presumed retirement that nobody quite knew what in the hell to do with after the first month, thanks to the power of the internet rumor machine.
All I can do is hope that this is a story like Shawn Michael's or Jushin Thunder Liger's.
A story or men battling back from career-ending injuries (a back injury and a brain tumor) and managing to have long and successful careers thanks to their sheer talent and intelligence and careful decisions to improve their lives and change their ring styles so that they could have long and successful careers after their presumed retirements.
Because the alternative... the alternative is WWE and a series of successful doctors allowing a man with a laundry list of injuries and not enough sense to heed them get back in the ring and end not only his career, but a chance at a post-career.
Bryan is one of my favorites of all time... but he loves wrestling so much that I'm afraid that he'd do anything to get back in there.
But... I have to have faith that all of the doctors are correct, and that he loves his wife and kids enough to heed his better sense.
I need that paper bag again.
I'll be back next week with another Smackdown weekly review, just like you all have so diligently read for these past two years because, if I have anything to hang my hat on, it's consistency, assuredly.
Excuse me, I need to go have a panic attack.
A video package highlighting Asuka's dominance was shown. Charlotte is shown backstage watching it and smiling, but Natalya came and insisted that there was fear in her eyes, which is a concept of that segment that Charlotte chose not to sell. Charlotte insisted that she's excited for Asuka her biggest challenge, but Natalya was insulted by this and said that Asuka is only undefeated because she hasn't faced this woman whose gimmick is Grandma Cat Lady. A match is made between the two to settle who was trying hardest. It was Natalya, by the way. Charlotte seemed annoyed she had to do this segment. So was I.
AJ is also shown backstage, and Nakamura cuts him off to insist he didn't need his help, which Styles makes abundantly clear that he felt. Styles cut Nakamura off as he began to speak, assuming the Nakamura was going to tell him what he's told him every week, that he'll beat him at Wrestlemania. Nakamura says that Styles should have more confidence in himself, and also that he'll beat him at WrestleMania with his terrible new catchphrase, KNEE. TO. THE. FACE. I'm actually excited for this match, guys, I just couldn't care less about what they do with this feud leading up to it because it won't change the match or how good it is.
Commentary repeatedly brought up the issues with Owens and Zayn's beat-down on Shane, and confirmed that he has a contusion of some sort. I dunno. I'm either not a doctor or wasn't paying attention to commentary... both are equally as likely.
Jinder Mahal is shown backstage with Bollywood Boy, The Not Injured One, and it's confirmed that he's in the US title match at WrestleMania. Jinder that is, not Not Injured Bollywood Boy. And people say The Usos are impossible to tell apart.
Daniel Bryan is shown on the phone, either talking to someone he hasn't talked to in a long time, or very unenthusiastically talking about how long it's been since he was last in the ring, but is informed by Lil Naitch that Sami and Kevin have arrived. Bryan tells Lil Naitch to have them head to the ring so that he can confront them. Cue ending sequence of the show.
CONCLUSION: This was a good episode of Smackdown Live, despite my mental breakdowns throughout.
Every feud had something to work with on this show, and, while half of them didn't work, they made sure that the ones that mattered this week were at the forefront with something new and exciting to work with. With what the bookers had to work with, this show went better than anyone likely would have expected before 1:30 this afternoon when we were all hit over the head with the Bryan news and reacted as such.
The problem is that the booking that surrounds the show is a mess. Nakamura and Styles have been given nothing of substance to work with yet, and, while it's a little early in the build-up to assume that they won't be, they certainly aren't going to turn one of them heel in this build which is a shame. Styles, in particular, would work terrifically as a heel for a few weeks, just to give these guys something, ANYTHING, to work with.
The WWE title wasn't given much to work with, but the US title for some reason was. That segment was awful, by the by, but at least they did some interesting stuff with the after-effects of it. Extremely passable for what it was; although, I definitely think, with how crowded this show was, it would've been smarter to put the emphasis on doing something new and exciting with the WWE Title. But I suppose, ignoring that they likely won't do anything interesting with it, front-loading this episode with two main event programs wouldn't have done next week's episode any good.
Charlotte and Natalya had a great match. Nobody will remember it because WWE, bafflingly, made the decision to not include Asuka in at least two weeks of programming, but they definitely did more than the best they could with what they had. Again, it was the booking that let this angle down as even Carmella did well with what little she could do, and I'm not really a fan of hers.
What they did with Bryan, Kevin, and Sami was out of this world, if you take away all of the things that you're inevitably worried about right now. This angle carried the show and, unlike all the weeks prior, it was good! Kevin and Sami were certainly on their game as well, but them being on their game wasn't enough to keep it in good quality previous to this, thanks to Shane's general lack of caring in his promos and segments. No, it was Bryan that made this work and becoming exciting again. It's really nice to know that Bryan as a wrestler can still make even terrible angles feel like they're good.
But this episode won't be remembered for any of that. It'll be remembered for the return of a fan-favorite, a ferociously over individual whose career was tragically cut short and was surrounded by senseless conspiracy theories, returning from a presumed retirement that nobody quite knew what in the hell to do with after the first month, thanks to the power of the internet rumor machine.
All I can do is hope that this is a story like Shawn Michael's or Jushin Thunder Liger's.
A story or men battling back from career-ending injuries (a back injury and a brain tumor) and managing to have long and successful careers thanks to their sheer talent and intelligence and careful decisions to improve their lives and change their ring styles so that they could have long and successful careers after their presumed retirements.
Because the alternative... the alternative is WWE and a series of successful doctors allowing a man with a laundry list of injuries and not enough sense to heed them get back in the ring and end not only his career, but a chance at a post-career.
Bryan is one of my favorites of all time... but he loves wrestling so much that I'm afraid that he'd do anything to get back in there.
But... I have to have faith that all of the doctors are correct, and that he loves his wife and kids enough to heed his better sense.
I need that paper bag again.
I'll be back next week with another Smackdown weekly review, just like you all have so diligently read for these past two years because, if I have anything to hang my hat on, it's consistency, assuredly.
Excuse me, I need to go have a panic attack.
I didn't realize Bryan was so desperate to change his in-ring style that he'd be willing to rip off The Miz' famous It! Kicks. Shame on you, Daniel Bryan Danielson. Shame on you!
