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Impact Wrestling Uncensored Thoughts, Brother: 2/16/16 Episode On POP TV

2/17/2016

 
Picture
Matt Hardy looks like how I feel. Angry.
Randomly scribbled by Charlie Groenewegen

Editor's Citation: These notes are not listed in any proper order and have no proper reasoning attached either. A detailed sophisticated analysis, this is not.

-- All this talk of Lockdown makes me miss it as one of TNA's signature PPV events, not this free TV bullshit. Granted, I expect this year's to be better than the previous one (that was shit) but there's no forgiving Lockdown '14 for being so bad that TNA decided to scrap it from their PPV line-up altogether. I just miss ACTUAL TNA PPVs in general...even filler ones like Victory Road or whatever.

-- I thought the brawl between Beer Money and EY & Bram ending abruptly was awkward. The part of the brawl where Storm threw a trash can at an unsuspecting EY & hit him in the back of the head was hilarious.

-- Miracle Mike Bennett on TV is always good, but Mark Andrews (I almost slipped up & used the Mandrews name.... god I fucking hate that.) doing the job sucked cause he should be a top guy in the X Division. At least he got television time and actually spoke into an actual microphone in front of an actual crowd for like the first time in his TNA career. The company really needs to do better by him - especially if they allow him to show how great he actually is in PWG.

-- Bennett's Rainmaker-esque punch is so great.

-- Josh Mathews oversold Monster's Ball so I'm gonna have to re-watch it and ignore all his comments after it's over. The tacks being poured on Eddie's head was cool - right up til he moved out of the way, the pussy bitch. Davey kissing Rosemary was hella awkward until I realized, oh right, the whole mist thing. And Jimmy Havoc's introduction in that segment before this match was also cool. Too bad he'll only be in TNA for like 2 weeks then get signed by NXT.

-- "First time ever, TNA Tag Team titles defended in Monster's Ball!" Actually no, the TNA Tag Team titles were defended in a four way Monsters Ball match at Bound For Glory in 2008 between 3D, Beer Money, Morgan/Abyss, and LAX. The special referee was the former Chicago Bears player, Steve "Mongo" McMichael. Get your facts straight, Josh, my markism is too powerful for you to insult my intelligence. Fuck you for taking the WWE route & just assuming I'll believe what you tell me with this "first time ever!" horseshit lie.

-- Jade doing a suicide dive might make her my new favorite. A Gail Kim-Madison Rayne reunion from their days with Karen Jarrett from late 2011-early 2012 was better than any Beautiful People reunion. Knockouts Lethal Lockdown; now THAT is something that's never been done before, unlike the tag team title Monsters Ball you sacks of shit lied about. Next up on the list of Knockouts firsts: Ultimate X. Or Queen of the Mountain but I won't get my hopes up. Like, at all.

-- I'm of the belief that even Rebel has improved much more than Velvet Sky has as a wrestler. The fucked up part is that neither even wrestled tonight, they just either brawled or hit all of 2 moves. And I mean to both praise Rebel for her training & bury Velvet for being continuous shit.

-- Mahabali Shera appeared on TV & my dad laughed then said, "Who's this Mexican?" and I said "Uh... he's Indian" and he didn't believe me. Yeah, he looks like shit. He also didn't understand Shera's name the first time JB said it so I had to repeat: Mahabali Shera. Yeah, it's a shit name. Then he did the Shera shuffle, oh god no, and my dad just said, "what the fuck is that?" Yeah, it's a shit move. Or dance. Whatever it is.

-- Then, Shera tried forcing THE MAN Jessie Godderz to do it mid-move. Yeah, Shera's now my least favorite wrestler of all time ever in history. He sucks across the board & it's a mystery as to why TNA ever decided to employ him. Mahabali is the male equivalent of Velvet Sky but at least he.... I dunno, appears to have fun? Fuck him anyway.

-- I kinda marked for Grado in a mask. Yes, it's just what I hoped for. And him getting the win was funny too. Him vs. Eli at Lockdown should be entertaining if nothing else, and fuck anyone who shits on Grado. You hate Grado? Are you kidding? It could be worse, he could be Mahabali Shera.

-- TNA got the rights to "Nobodies" from Marilyn Manson & the Dollhouse theme from that whore but they STILL cannot secure "Like a Prayer" from that useless cunt Madonna. I CAN SEE FANS SINGING TO GRADO'S THEME SONG BUT OH WAIT, THERE'S NO LYRICS, SO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! Get on that, Billy Corgan.

-- The crowd singing to EC3's theme was cool but Josh had to ruin it by opening his dick magnet of a mouth & speak. Shut the fuck up, Josh. Even during Decay's entrance, just please shut the fuck up. How you're still employed is as mysterious as signing Mahabali Shera in the first place.

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